Nostalgia Critic

- Season 8

(2015)

Believe it or not, The Nostalgia Critic doesn't like The Matrix. Not just the sequels, he doesn't like the originals. But when confronted by Agent Shmuck, representative of the fanbase, the Critic decides he might as well share with the world his true feelings on the overrated but innovative 1999 sci-fi thriller.

Matrix Month continues as the Critic looks at Japan's answer to the franchise: a series of beautifully, but bizarrely animated stories devoid of emotion, reason and rationale...just like The Matrix itself.

Because the Matrix made a ton of money, the studio naturally commissioned a sequel, and because this is Matrix Month, the Nostalgia Critic looks at Matrix Reloaded. He finds it has too much action, too many needless fighting scenes, forced romances and very lazy writing. Meanwhile, Malcolmus and Tamity help the Critic outwit Agent Shmuck.

Matrix Month wraps up with what is mercifully the final Matrix movie. It goes through the motions of pointless action and endless, pointless speeches from the main characters. Agent Shmuck brainwashes Malcolmus and Tamity and forces a reluctant Critic to finish his review, and when he does, he makes a deep, almost mind-boggling discovery about the Matrix series and its value to moviegoers everywhere.

The Critic investigates the controversy around Tom and Jerry possibly committing suicide in their final Hanna-Barbera cartoon. He explores the flexible reality of their world, the continuity of each cartoon, and the fact that modern-day audiences have grown far too sensitive.

The time has come for the Nostalgia Critic to tackle a chick flick. Which one? Mamma Mia. Oh yeah, he went there. This 2008 musical displays every lazy chick flick cliché in the book, and fails at every one of them. So the Critic takes a stand for women everywhere by shaming this awful movie and proving what it really is: the anti-chick flick.

What's the number one killer of movies? A bad script? Bad acting? Michael Bay? No. Over-hyping it. When you merchandise the hell out of a film and show it all over the place 24-7, you start to get really sick of it, and even start to hate it a little. How do our favorite films go from being cherished treasures to over-hyped, blown up anomalies? Don't worry, the Nostalgia Critic will get to the bottom of this.

Crap crappy movie comes out to terrorize. What do you get when you take a brilliant Disneyland ride, make it into a movie and cast Eddie Murphy? A mess that nobody will remember or care about in 12 years' time...save for a red-tied, black blazered Internet critic who decides to review the film and expose it as a big piece of ghoulish garbage with many missed opportunities.

The Nostalgia Critic addresses what we're all thinking about: why are the movies coming out today so unoriginal? Nothing but sequels, remakes and adaptations of existing material. Nothing new. He examines the current trend, saying why remakes are successful, and why we should also be interested in the few original ideas that are coming out.

With a new Batman movie around the corner, and with Ben Affleck set to play Batman next year, the Nostalgia Critic decides to look at the 2003 Daredevil movie. With help from the embodiment of early 2000s comic hero movie clichés, The Angst, the Critic reviews this cliché-ridden, nonsensical pile of madness, and discovers the best thing about it is the flamboyant villain.

The Nostalgia Critic lays out the plot for Frozen 2, or at least, his version of it.

The Nostalgia Critic and the Angry Video Game Nerd are called upon to save the good name of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, by both reviewing the 2014 Michael Bay atrocity and by restoring the fans' faith in those heroes in a half shell. But, unfortunately, the reviewers first have to save April O'Neil, so they walk and review at the same time.

You're familiar with the Golden Age of films, right? Well, toward the end of the 20th century was a period known as the Dark Age, where films of the most disgusting and degrading caliber were thrown together, loaded with CGI and bland characters and rushed into cinemas. The Nostalgia Critic looks at several of these films to determine where it all went wrong, and how it all went wrong.

The Critic takes back to the days of manly man action movies with all guts, but little glory. But there were some exceptions, such as Demolition Man. He reviews the film to determine if it's a smart and subtle action flick, or if it's just another mindless yarn made for the sake of being violent and blowing shit up. His findings will blow your mind.

He's zany to the max, and there's Bologna in his slacks. He's the Nostalgia Critic. Today, he's counting down the Top 11 best episodes of one of the '90s' greatest animated TV shows: Animaniacs.

Critic, Critic, that cynic so cocky and free. Critic, Critic, he makes the sign of the 'C'. That's right, today he's looking at Zorro. But Zorro's cool, isn't he? Well he was before 2005, when they made a follow-up to The Mask of Zorro, and took everything that made that movie cool and dumbed it down about 30 IQ points.

May the Fourth be - No, wait, May the Fifth be with you as the Nostalgia Critic looks back at that "charming" Ewoks cartoon few people knew existed in a new segment called "Was That Real?"

The Critic, Malcolm and Tamara all gain super powers, which they use to do nothing but loaf around and look pretty. When they're not saving the world from their couch, they're reviewing the 2005 critical failure known as Fantastic Four. Turns out there's absolutely nothing fantastic about these four.

In another edition of Was That Real, the Critic looks at a semi-forgotten cartoon about cowboys that were actually cows. It may sound like a bum steer, but this show did exist and it had heroes that followed a strict Code Of the West. No bull.

If you thought the Spy Kids sequels were bad... they are, but that didn't stop Robert Rodriguez from making more kids' movies. Enter The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl, a poorly acted, nonsensical waste of space from the fertile imagination of Rodriguez's own son. It's about a kid who teams up with two super kids to stop an evil kid. No kidding.

Has the Critic discovered the worst sitcom of all time? Well, in today's edition of Was That Real, he discusses Small Wonder, a family sitcom that is essentially Full House meets The Terminator. The series is about a family with a robot daughter who does robot stuff, nobody finds anything about her unusual, and wacky hijinks ensue. Small Wonder? It's a small wonder why most people don't remember this show.

The Nostalgia Critic reviews the Box Office Sci-Fi Flop, Jupiter Ascending.

Was That Real? Yes, it was. Sam and Max: Freelance Police was a real show, and it was real bizarre. The Critic takes a look at this comic strip-turned video-game-turned cartoon series features the titular duo as detectives and determines if it was just another bat-shit crazy cartoon, or if this series was too cerebral for its own good.

After the Nostalgia Critic sees the highly-acclaimed, critically-lauded and extremely profitable Jurassic World, he decides to have his team reenact scenes from the movie to show how it looked through his eyes.

What makes TV shows memorable? The characters? The stories? The settings? Well, yes, but for the most part, it's the show's opening sequences that get us in the mood to watch them, and that's why the Nostalgia Critic has compiled a Top 11 list of the greatest TV show intros ever conceived.

Remakes, or "reimaginings" have plagued the movie industry for at least a decade. Call it what you want, it's still rehashing something that was already done, and more often than not the "reimagining" will suck ass. Tim Burton's 2001 "reimagining" of Planet of the Apes was no exception. So the Nostalgia Critic sits down to review it and shows what an incomprehensible, incoherent, nonsensical, worm-headed sack of monkey shit it is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?

I've got you under my skin - is an appropriate song for today's movie: Osmosis Jones. For years the Critic has gotten requests to review it, so now it's finally time to take look at it "inside out"...a movie the Critic wishes he were watching instead.

The Nostalgia Critic has come to believe that kids' shows today are better than they were in the old days. Now before you call him a turncoat or a traitor, he's not turning his back on the toons of yore, he's merely explaining why the cartoons coming out today seem to be more innovative, groundbreaking and appealing to both children and adults than what we used to watch.

The Nostalgia Critic reviews a movie they made about Garfield, because comic strips turned movies are always a good idea. Come on, it's a CGI cat in a live-action world. It's bland, boring, and fails miserably at comedy. Too bad the Coen Brothers didn't make it, then it would have been awesome. Want proof? The Walker Broth...er, Coen Brothers' Garfield mini-movie precedes the review.

Another reenactment review. This one has the Critic examining Adam Sandler's latest cinematic effort, and the word 'effort' is used loosely. It's Sandler's foray into video game movies with a plot ripped off of Futurama. So the Critic and pals go through the movie and show what worked and, mostly, what didn't.

The Critic will juice ya up with an in-depth look at Jim Carrey's most hated movie to date, The Cable Guy. He finds that the movie is not deserving of the hatred it gets, and is probably worth another look in today's world full of Cable Guys who hide behind YouTube comment sections and online message boards. The Cable Guy was ahead of its time. This concludes our broadcast day. Click.

After having gypped the Black Nerd out of his review of the Ninja Turtles movie with the AVGN, the Critic reluctantly makes amends by reviewing the 2011 Smurfs movie with him. Is it completely unfaithful to the source material? Is it more about the human characters than the Smurfs? Is it horrible written and a shameless cash-cow for Sony? You bet your smurfing smurf it is.

So, what is comedy? Stuff that makes you laugh, right? Well, in today's pussified, PC world, some people are afraid to laugh at certain things for fear of being offensive. The Nostalgia Critic puts the whole comedy aspect of entertainment under a microscope and lets us know when it's okay to laugh, when it's not okay, and most of all, accept comedy as it was meant to be. As a wise duck voiced by George Costanza once said, comedy is meant to challenge you like actual thinking adults. So grow a pair and laugh if you want to.

Stop. Critic Time. 'Was That Real?' returns as the Nostalgia Critic looks back at the time when M.C. Hammer had his own cartoon show. We shit you not, the Hammer was on Saturday mornings. The show was a weak effort with 13 unlucky episodes and had the same kind of satisfaction you'd get from hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.

When the Nostalgia Critic admits he's not too crazy about Mad Max: Fury Road, he's captured by a crazed pre-post-Apocalyptic army lead by Impractical Joe. The Critic escapes with the help of Curiosa, a bad-ass heroine who among many really liked the new Mad Max, and is as surprised as everyone else when the Critic admits to liking Thunderdome the best. So throughout their journey, being endlessly hounded by weird-ass guitar guys, exploding henchmen, sexist nerds and Tom Hardy fangirls, the Critic tries his negative feelings on the new film, until he makes a startling ...

The Critic discusses Jason Reitman's political satire, Thank You for Smoking (2005).

Nostalgiaween 2015 rises to welcome the Halloween season with the horrifying film Event Horizon - wait, Stephen King wrote that? Nope. Not starting things off with the King this year. Instead, the gateway to Hell, conveniently located in the Critic's ass, unleashes another brand of terror: boring, poorly acted sci-fi/horror schlock that should be forgotten, but strangely has a cult following.

With Paranormal Activity 27 set to hit theaters soon, the Nostalgia Critic decides to take a look at the overblown gimmick of found-footage movies. From Blair Witch to Cloverfield and so on, these movies came around in abundance. What is their appeal? Why are they still being made? And why do people enjoy the motion sickness caused by so much shaky-cam? The Critic will get to the bottom of this abnormal activity.

All hail the King. No, not Elvis. Not Michael Jackson. Stephen King. It wouldn't be Nostalgiaween without him. The Critic looks at a 1984 film adaptation of one of King's short stories that features a murderous religious cult made up of children who slaughtered all the adults in their hometown to appease their leader, and their lord, a mysterious monster who lurks in the cornfields. Ha, ha, that's our Stephen.

What are some Halloween specials you remember watching? Were there any that, while not great certainly weren't terrible? They were guilty pleasures. Maybe they're on the Critic's Top 11 Halloween Guilty Pleasures list, where he fondly remembers some of the odd, yet entertaining gems from his childhood on All Hallows Eve. Guilty pleasures, he has them and so do you.

Nostalgiaween has gone into overtime and concluded with the Critic and pals reviewing - Hocus Pocus? While it may be a beloved holiday classic, it is not above being riddled with flaws and clichés. And the Nostalgia Critic and an all-star cast are here to demonstrate and reenact said flaws and clichés for your bewitching pleasure. Nostalgia Critic's guests included Mr. Mendo has horror hosts "The Horror Guru" and "Count Jackula".

Now that Halloween is over, it's time for Christmas - I mean, Thanksgiving. Every year it's the same thing: people jump too soon from one holiday to the next. It's become a big problem, so the Nostalgia Critic has decided to get to the bottom of this quandary. He discovers why we do it, why in some cases it's okay and in others it isn't, and that despite what we may think, we don't have to play by the rules and can celebrate anything any time.

And now, a word from our sponsors - Yay, commercials. The Nostalgia Critic is geared up and ready to review more classic commercials from days of yore. So, what does this year's station break provide? Overzealous Zest, a sports team motivated by Spaghetti-O's, foul-mouthed Ronald McDonald, a Barbie you can sleep with, candy named after a serious illness, Superman's peanut butter, and a few ads featuring Don Bluth's work. But when the Critic takes one too many potshots at the animation giant, he faces the wrath of Bluth.

As punishment for poking fun at Don Bluth too many times, the Critic is forced to play his innovative gift to the gaming world: Dragon's Lair. While a very interesting game to watch, it's insanely hard and frustrating to play. As if that weren't enough, while the Critic is trying to play the game, Mr. Bluth delights in tormenting and taunting the Critic just as much as his creation does.

The Nostalgia Critic loves Christmas and he loves the Ninja Turtles. So, putting both things together should be a match made in Heaven, no? Nope. The first lump of coal in the Critic's stocking is that horrendous Turtle Christmas musical from our childhoods, the memory of which we all managed to suppress...until now. No worries, the Nostalgia Critic will remember it so we don't have to.

Good grief, it would appear as the though the beloved Charlie Brown Christmas has become overrated. But is that a good thing or a bad thing? Well, seeing as how it's Christmastime, the Nostalgia Critic decides to analyze the very first (and arguably best) animated Peanuts special to determine its true meanings, its messages, and why it rings true for both kids and adults.

The Nostalgia Critic is so bummed with today's Christmas movie, he doesn't feel the urge to put any effort into his review. He starts to long for the old days when it was just him, a camera, clips and memes. And so Santa Christ makes his wish come true, swapping out the 2007 Critic for the current one, so this horrible movie can be given the old-school, low-budget, low-effort it deserves. What movie could be so horrible, you may wonder? Christmas with the Kranks. Nuff said.

There has been an awakening - a once super popular franchise laden with three great films and three shitty ones now has a new film in the canon. As the Cinema Snob and Nostalgia Critic attempt to fix the infamous Holiday Special, they catch a glimpse of the new Star Wars film, thoroughly examine it via reenactments, and see if it lives up to the hype.