It Ain't Half Hot Mum

- Season 5

(1977)

The company arrives at the village of Tin Min, on the Burmese border, where they find a group of Australian soldiers. One of their number, Okker, has gone missing and they refuse to budge until they locate him. Believing that Aussies like big women, Ashwood gets Mac to drag up and go into the jungle to lure Okker back - he finds him but scares him off. Then it is decided that Gloria will dress as a girl and sing a siren song. This succeeds in attracting a tiger, which chases Gloria up a tree, where he finds Okker.

Gloria is court-martialled for hitting the sergeant-major, his punishment being he can never play Ginger Rogers again. Then Parkin takes a Morse code message. The men are to supply a bridge to take medical supplies, so, after the predicted trial and error, a shaky rope bridge is eventually built. However, when the doctor arrives it seems that Parkin blew it again. The request was for a fridge, not a bridge, which is just as well as the men's feeble effort collapses with them on it, requiring the doctor to rescue them with an existing pontoon bridge which was ...

To keep them quiet and stop them attacking, the company delivers a bribe to the local bandits, who turn out to be their most appreciative audience ever. However Williams believes the men should foil the bandits so they steal the bolts from their guns and hide them in Lofty's trousers. Lofty almost drowns under the weight of the bolts and the bandits are amazed to see the escaping performers with their hands in Lofty's pants to drop the bolts into the river.

A load of Christmas puddings are dropped by air into the camp, each with the name of a high-ranking officer on them. Captain Bishop arrives and requests that the puddings be given to him but a second officer reveals that Bishop is an impostor, who wants to sell the puddings on the black market. The puddings are returned but it would be bad publicity if it was known that some officers were being awarded preferential treatment and given their own Christmas puddings, so they are given to the audience to eat and destroy the evidence, whilst Rangi keeps several for himself.

Unassuming aircraftsman Ormanroyd joins the concert party. He is a superb singer, a talented multi-instrumentalist and a more than competent ventriloquist. It is decided that he will replace Lofty, who will be returned to ordinary duties. At the same time word arrives that a female impersonator is required for a show in Calcutta. It could be Gloria's big opportunity. However Gloria's loyalty to Lofty outweighs his ambition so he lets Ormanroyd take the Calcutta job, allowing his little mate to stay in the party.

Parkin has been seeing Thin Yu, a local village girl. So have Ashwood, who is married, and Williams. The head man of Thin Yu's village is unhappy with her and wants her to identify her three dates but she fails, since all whites look the same to her. Ashwood and Williams back off after an unsuccessful attempt at a duel but Parkin wants Reynolds' permission to marry her. Reynolds refuses. Then it is discovered that Thin Yu has another admirer, who left his hat behind after an assignation with her. To everybody's surprise it turns out to be - Lofty.