Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps

- Season 1

(2001)

Donna and Janet, two girls in Runcorn, Cheshire, are best friends. When Donna bemoans her lack of a boyfriend, Janet arranges a date for her with her boyfriend Jonny's pal Gaz. Initially the double date gets off to a bad start, but Donna decides to give Gaz another chance. She goes to his flat where, having discovered his stash of porn magazines, she has sex with him. Squeaky-voiced student Louise gets a bar job but quits after the landlord offers her a bag of peanuts to have sex with him.

Gaz goes to lunch at Donna's to meet her family, and is unnerved by her mother Flo's overtures. Gaz also advises Jonny how to make Janet love him more, such as being nasty to her, then disappearing. When Janet finds out, she breaks Gaz's nose and he ends up in hospital in the same ward as Jonny, who was attacked by an old lady he tried to help across the road, but least Jonny and Janet reconcile.

Gaz finds Donna's toothbrush at his flat and worries that she wants to move in with him. Janet looks for ways to spice up her relationship with Jonny, such as buying sexy underwear. However, this makes him suspect that she is seeing another man, and he and Gaz almost attack the suspect before the truth is revealed. Louise falls for a gay man and decides to become a fag hag.

Feeling the need to better herself, Janet enrolls as a student and Louise's friend Cameron invites her to read poetry at a student meeting. Unfortunately, she doesn't go down well, but when Jonny, who opposed the idea, comes to her defense, he gets a good reception. Later, Jonny turns down the advances of two female fans to watch TV instead, but Gaz decides to go on the pull, and after she catches him sniffing her mother's hair, Donna pushes him into the canal.

Jonny finds himself unexpectedly attracted to Louise until he kisses her and thinks that her breath smells of lard. Donna decides to decorate Gaz's flat; he finds the finished result too feminine for his taste, but sex with Donna makes everything all right. Janet tries her hand as a stand-up comedian. She does not do well until she finds out about Jonny, Louise, and the lard, which becomes a popular subject.

Both Janet and Donna believe that they are pregnant. Jonny, who has discovered he wants more out of life but is disappointed by the things he has tried, is ultimately pleased. However it turns out to be a false alarm. Donna, on the other hand, really does appear to be expecting.