The Green Green Grass

- Season 3

(2007)

After admiring the portraits of former occupants of a stately home he has visited with Marlene, Boycie declares a desire to have his own likeness in oils. Elgin is kicked out by his wife and moves in with Bryan in his caravan, but when the caravan burns down Marlene lets them stay in the house. Boycie is not happy, but, to show their gratitude, his staff arrange for him to have his portrait painted by renowned local artist Genevieve Klunge - renowned for her paintings of cows.

After a long engagement to Myrtle which is going nowhere and being teased about being gay for living with Elgin,Bryan takes to writing poetry to express his feelings and Mrs. Cakeworthy tries online dating on his behalf - surely 'Steamy Stella' will give the lad what he wants. Meanwhile a reluctant Boycie and Tyler accompany Marlene to Bournemouth to visit her mother - who can't stand Boycie,though the feeling is mutual - and does her best to get rid of him.

Earl, the Boyces' dog ,goes missing and Tyler and Beth go into the woods to try and find him. When they fail to return a tense Marlene sends Boycie to look for them but, thanks to the imbecilic ways of his search party,i.e. the farm hands, they get lost in the supposedly haunted woods and, whilst Beth and Tyler make it home with Earl,they have to sleep in the open air overnight.

Following their A-level results Beth and Tyler hear about university acceptance. Beth has been accepted by every one she applied for, Tyler has been turned down by all of his, plus some he didn't apply for. He needs motivation,which the staff are only too happy to give him. He needs a university place as well, which where Boycie decides to call in a favour.

Boycie is sceptical when his farm-hands suddenly start to compete with each other in increasingly ridiculous agricultural stunts in order to take part in the television reality show 'Farm Idol'. However, having seen the glamorous producer Antonia, he is anxious to compete for the crown and joins his staff at the television studio in Shrewsbury. Marlene,however, makes plans of her own including her playing hostess to a handsome young man - which inevitably gives Mrs. Cakeworthy the wrong idea and Boycie the hump.

When Tyler is temporarily suspended from his course he comes home to work on his computer. This gets his father interested in the internet and he looks up his family tree on a site called Chromosome Connections but sadly Boycie discovers that all of his male ancestors died young and has him fearing for his own mortality. Hearing the staff talk about a memorial service worries him even further - even though it's for Bryan's recently deceased pet turkey Paxo. Can his mother-in-law Dora actually give him good news for once?

Following his internet activities Bryan now prepares to meet his Eastern European mail order bride Katia. However, when she turns up she brings her family,who are not able to all fit into Bryan's caravan. Llewellyn comes up with the answer as his student workers have let him down and he is looking for a new workforce.

After the Boyces' dog unearths an unexploded grenade on farm land other relics from World War Two are found, leading Boycie to entertain the idea of opening his own military museum. At the same time Cliff Cooper arrives from America on a nostalgic visit. In 1971,when he was an air force sergeant, he was billeted at the Boyces' home,and is happy to re-visit his old haunts. Boycie is happy to rub shoulders with the wealthy head of a cookie business and takes him to the pub,where it is revealed that in his day Cliff was one for the ladies and fathered a child locally. ...