Up the Elephant and Round the Castle

- Season 1

(1983)

Jim London has recently inherited a house from his aunt Min - along with a sitting tenant. He has also inherited a debt for which he stood surety for a friend, now in prison. When his friend Radio gets kicked out by his girlfriend Jim offers him a place to stay on condition he loans Jim the money. Complications follow when the desirable Deirdre believes Jim to be gay when she sees a grateful Radio embrace him though in the end Radio goes off with Deirdre but the mere mention of his name is enough to scare off the debt collectors.

Jim agrees to be best man for the wedding of his friend Arnold Hawkins, even though Arnold still owes him money from the previous decade. This is a mistake as Arnold's parents, both professional wrestlers, spend all afternoon fighting each other in Jim's sitting room and Jim's plan to escort Lois to the wedding is jeopardized when Vera and the pregnant Yvonne both throw themselves at him. To cap it all Arnold seems to have done a runner - so Jim decides it is politic for him to do the same.

Jim goes to sign on and finds that his interfering neighbour Councillor Allnutt has reported him for apparently doing paid roofing work for his girlfriend Lois. Fortunately Lois explains that the money she was seen giving him was only for materials and Jim gets his chance for revenge when his friend Tosh tells him that Allnutt has unknowingly been painting his house using a ladder stolen from the council.

After attending constable Terry's wild party Jim just wants to spend Sunday morning in bed but is interrupted by the predatory Vera, prisoner's wife Wanda, on the cadge for food to give her fancy man and by his father, who hints that Jim was born out of wedlock. He gets rid of them all and settles down for a rest. Sadly the Salvation Army band are just striking up outside the house.

Jim agrees to look after Wanda's budgie whilst she is in hospital but, after telling his father that the bird is his, discovers that Dad, having forgotten Jim's mother's birthday, has given it to her as a surprise present. Jim bemoans its loss in the pub but fortunately Mum hates budgies and returns it to him. Less fortunately Wanda refuses to have it back since it gave her the allergy that put her in hospital and Councillor Allnutt has bought Jim another bird.

Jim wakes up after a drink-fuelled party to find he is being burgled by the well-spoken, middle-aged Rupert, who is depressed after being made redundant. Both are surprised when Rupert's daughter Sarah, who attended the party and has been sleeping in the bath, comes into the room. Tosh arrives and Rupert decides to give himself up but as the video Rupert was about to steal was actually stolen by Tosh, everybody closes ranks when the police arrive. With Rupert and Sarah gone Jim puts the blame for everything on his troublesome sitting tenant.