Unhappily Ever After

- Season 3

(1996)

Smart, blond, tall and long-legged, not to mention equally devious, Sable hits the scene, and Tiffany is worried about having competition that is going to keep her on her toes. Dark secrets are exchanged in a game of detente. Only to get spilled. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star gets a whole new meaning.

Senior Ditch Day, and they're off to the beach. Tiffany has to hold her own against blond rival Sable as they compete for the attentions of a boy.

Jack is dismayed to find out that darling daughter Tiffany might have opted for the oldest profession. But she's just been selling pictures of herself with nerd boys, posing as The Girl Back Home.

Om a mission for Tiffany, Jack puts on his party pants as he tries chasing after Sable's Mom.

Ryan is delusional after getting struck by lightning, and expects to have superhero powers. Behold, alter ego Lightning Boy prances about the kitchen in underwear that is outerwear. Jenny wants the experience to boost Ryan's confidence in himself. Everybody humors Ryan as he sets himself up for a confrontation with an earth-bound meteor.

Inexplicably, out of character, Tiffany gets bitten by the bingo bug. Hooked as she is, she is now Mom's girl, and Jack falls out of favor as the parent of choice. How to win her back? And how will Mr. Floppy make unattainable Hollywood vixen Drew Barrymore jealous?

The Mad Hair Hacker goes after Tiffany, Sable, and Tiffany's friend Amber, to chop off their long hair. Meanwhile, Jack and Jennie look forward to terrorizing the neighborhood kids and giving them candy cigarettes on Halloween.

Loser boy Ryan has a band. Thanks to hot sis Tiffany. Sleazy-looking record producer took one look at the haphazardly shot promo video, saw inadvertent walk-on redhead sister with the long, long legs, and signed on the loser band. See Ryan perform. Just try not to hear him squawk, er, sing. Then see Glorious Tiffany do the Gloria Estefan to the Miami - no, Malloy - Sound Machine.

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Breaking out into sprays of sweat every time he's near a girl, Ryan resorts to copious overuse of deodorant. By the cans full. Caking his underarms. After Tiffany lost out on an unwise bet, she had to find him a date. Turns out she's a refugee set on American citizenship. At all costs. Told by the desperate woman that she prefers manly smells, he delves about and sheds excess bricks of powdery mess there in the car. Which leaves evidence that gets misinterpreted as cocaine abuse by all-of-a-sudden concerned parents Jack and Jennie who watched an Are Your Kids On Drugs...

Tiffany decides to be bad.

Tiffany dates Herbie Sternberg and Ryan has a rash.

Bored with her successful life, looking for new challenges, ever-successful Tiffany manipulates eternal loser Ryan into running for school president, figuring that he'll be her puppet on a string. But instantly the marionette breaks loose. Now she must reel him in.

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Ryan gets a Russian mail order bride

Tiffany gets a job

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