The Lucy Show

- Season 3

(1964)

The ladies are both hot for the handsome clerk at the sporting goods store where Lucy came to buy roller skates. Lucy lies to the bachelor about her shoe size and gets a pair that's far too tight. Her feet swell, making it impossible to take them off if she's going to the big dance that night. Lucy goes alright, wearing the skates under a long gown.

The plumber Lucy calls to fix her kitchen sink is a dead ringer for Jack Benny. Just like Benny, he's a violinist, but his classical music career was ruined by his resemblance to the comedian. Lucy decides to help him out by introducing him on a local TV talent show--the same show she was kicked off of a week earlier because of the lousy dog act she presented.

To impress her athletic boyfriend, Lucy exaggerates her ability to play any sport. In reality, she stinks at all of them. When he invites her on a ski trip, she talks Mr. Mooney into giving her lessons at the house. Mooney suffers at the hands of the redhead who's armed with sharp poles and long skis suitable for whacking him on his rear.

Lucy's needs a $110 advance on her allowance, but Mooney refuses it as he leaves for a convention. She immediately goes to work on his fill-in, an old childhood sweetheart of hers. Unable to recall the pet name she had for him, she schemes with Viv to fake amnesia, hoping he'll say it while trying to jar her memory. Lucy takes a conk on the head and really blanks out, ruining her own plan.

To earn extra money, Lucy decides to rent Vivian's room to two men who want to go to the World's Fair, Vivan having to stay in Lucy's room. After discovering $8,500 stashed in Viv's mattress, Lucy thinks her friend robbed a bank. They quickly realize the cash was heisted from Mooney's bank the night before by the two gentlemen. When the robbers return unexpectedly, Lumpy Lucy stashes the money in her sweatpants while Viv calls the cops.

Lucy and Vivan visit their boys at sleep away camp, but are upset that they don't have more money so they can stay two more weeks. But, when they learn the camp cooks have quit, Lucy volunteers herself and Viv to take over as chefs despite knowing nothing about feeding 200 people. Of course, chaos ensues.

Lucy becomes drunk with power in her new job as a meter maid. She issues Viv a parking ticket and then charges her with a batch of other trumped-up violations. A livid Viv contests the citations in traffic court and the judge quickly becomes as irritated with the red-headed "copper" as Viv is.

Meter maid Lucy and handsome Detective Baker masquerade as a Lovers Lane couple to catch a crook. After scaring off the criminal on their first night, Lucy talks Viv into masquerading as Green Scarf Louie the next evening, not expecting the real one to show up again.

Lucy goes with Jerry on a father-son camping trip. The other fathers don't like having a woman "dad" around, so they conspire to make things so tough she'll go running home. Their plans start fall apart when Lucy starts to beat them at their own game.

One of Lucy's new contact lenses pops out when she's icing a chocolate fudge cake for a bake sale. After buying and searching through fifteen gooey cakes, she learns Mr. Mooney bought hers. She can't tell him she lost an expensive contact, so she and Viv sneak into his house in the middle of the night to pull a dessert switch. This is one hilarious episode.

Lucy and Viv are envious of the snooty women of the Danfield Art Society, all of whom have their own maids. Lucy decides they must have one, too, so to afford a maid, Lucy goes to work as a maid. She's hired by a society matron who's throwing a dinner party--for the members of the Art Society.

Lucy and Viv are "birdsitting" Mr. Mooney's pet cockatiel, Greenback, when it escapes its cage and perches on a telephone line outside. To reach the creature, Lucy climbs up on the roof in a grass skirt (her pants split) and rubber swim flippers (for insulation from the power lines). When this fails, the gals resort to buying another cockatiel and try and pass it off as Mooney's beloved bird.

After Jerry finds a penny worth fifty cents, Lucy and Viv withdraw 2,000 pennies from the bank and search through them until they find one worth $16.50. Lucy drops the penny down a storm drain, so she and Viv disguise themselves as workmen so they can search for it.

While trying to sell Mr. Mooney a vacuum cleaner, Lucy accidentally sucks up a stamp he'd just bought for $3,000. When it winds up on an envelope dropped into street mailbox, Lucy tries to fish it out and gets stuck. Her last resort is to infiltrate the post office and snatch the letter before it gets postmarked.

Lucy is determined to get tickets to The Danny Kaye Show since she's already promised the kids she could. She goes directly to Danny, posing as a model, and destroys his lunch meeting by making him wear all the courses. He agrees to slip her in as an extra in a crowd scene; all she has to do is blend into the background. This is something Lucy is incapable of doing.

Lucy and Viv take home a wrapped present for Mr. Mooney to give to his wife. Lucy is dying to know what's in it, but accidentally breaks it. So Lucy and Viv go to the department store to buy a knew one but it is closed, so they want to take the one in the front window. Viv stands watch on the street with a busybody cop while Lucy, trapped in the store window, pretends to be a mechanical woman.

Lucy and Vivian win a free trip to Vegas, but she and Viv have only $5 spending money left. The gals get dressed up and pose as big-money gamblers to score some free "comps" from the casino. The trick works so well that an oil tycoon asks Lucy to win back the $10,000 he's lost and he'll give her whatever she wins over that amount.

The boys are unaffected by the horror flicks they see at movies, but Lucy and are scared stupid. In Lucy's nightmare, she and Viv break down at Dracula's castle and are tormented by his werewolf butler Ringo and gorilla maid Loretta. Tired of his lousy hired help, Dracula turns the gals into ghastly witches to act as his new housekeeper and cook.

With Vivian visiting relatives, Lucy's childhood friend Rosie Harrigan temporarily moves in with Lucy, now known as the Countess Framboise. Despite her title, she's just a widow who's flat broke. Mr. Mooney, who is impressed by her title, invites the ladies to attend a meeting of his high society wine-tasting club. The two guzzle wine on empty stomachs and proceed to get rip-roaring plastered.

To get the financing to open a charm school, the Countess seeks to impress the snobbish Mrs. Dunbar and her henpecked husband. Lucy masquerades as a ratty scrub woman whom she molds into a sparkling débutante. Things turn sour at Liza's coming out party when Lucy's allergy to caviar kicks in. On the up side, the mousy husband finally speaks up.

Mr. Mooney's made a bad investment in a "fat farm". Lucy and the Countess volunteer to attend to generate some needed publicity. In no time, the brutal regime has the two starving for food and will stop and nothing to get it.

The Countess doesn't want her foreign visitors to know she's broke. Lucy's solution is to borrow a dilapidated mansion and get Vivian to help her do a quick fix-up on the place. As the Countess hosts a party for her guests, the ladies' temporary improvements begin to fall apart.

Lucy and Vivian talk Arthur Godfrey into appearing in the town's little theater musical. In the musical about the founding of Danfield, a Southerner hopes his daughter Lucybelle can snag a rich Yankee and save their plantation. She gets unwanted competition from the short-skirted Steamboat Bessie.

In another attempt to squeeze cash out of Mooney, Lucy claims it's for medical reasons. Actually, its for a visit to a beauty shop. She has to concoct an even bigger lie when she's caught there by a hidden camera TV show.

Lucy and Vivian try to get the town's wealthiest doctor to become a depositor in Mr. Mooney's bank. The doctor, mistaking the girls for volunteers for an experiment in hypnosis, regressing them to the age of five.

Lucy drives Viv crazy trying to identify a mystery sound in a radio station contest. She determines it's a refrigerator shutting down (after destroying theirs) and gets to be a disc jockey for a day. She entertains the masses with ten second songs, commercials played at slow speed, and bizarre sound effects. The radio station may not survive her debut in broadcasting.