The Danny Thomas Show

- Season 9

(1961)

Bill Dana joins the cast as elevator operator Jose Jimenez (a character he made famous before the phrase politically correct). In this twist on Cyrano de Bergerac, Jose tells Danny he is in love. He has never spoken to his love, because "you may not have noticed, but I have an accent". He convinces Danny to record a song for him to send his lady-love. SONGS: June in January and The More I See You

Linda is being punished and threatens to run away (again). Danny tells Kathy to ignore it, kids never mean it and Kathy reminds Danny that Rusty meant it when he ran away. Linda comes out with her suitcase. Danny wants to let her go, but Kathy won't let Linda out of her sight. Danny arranges with Charlie to get disguises to follow her and then lets Linda out of the house. SONG: Be Kind to Your Parents.

Linda is playing mailman again, but she's learned her lesson. Instead of taking new letters, she's using old ones. Kathy's old love letters from Danny. Kathy is upset that her letters are all over the building, but Danny is embarrassed.

Rusty has an audition for the band at the YMCA. The band leader (Harry James) tells Danny that Rusty needs to play the same as the other boys. Of course he doesn't blame Rusty, it's his teacher's fault. His style is not to teach a bunch of flashy tricks, but to teach the boys the basics and give them a solid grounding in music. Danny tells him that he is Rusty's teacher - and it's all downhill from there.

Nothing but trouble can result from adding an unexpected visit from Uncle Tonoose to an already visiting Mr. Daly. Peace doesn't last long when Danny and Kathy get them to stop arguing over who should stay, who is the better man, who is stronger - until they declare the only way to resolve the issue is hold an Olympic competition.

The Halpers are over for dinner, and Danny isn't happy to see the way Bunny bosses Charlie around. Danny convinces Bunny to stop and "let Charlie be a man", and then Charlie isn't happy.

Danny finds a dent in his car, but after the countless jokes in his act the night before about women drivers (while Kathy was at the club) he doesn't dare tell Kathy. Danny tells Charlie he'll use the housekeeping money Kathy keeps in a jar to get the car repaired and replace it as soon as he can get to the bank. Unfortunately, Kathy discovers it is missing and calls the police.

Jimmy has raised his niece Carla who is now graduating from college with top honors "Sigmund cum Laurie". Jimmy wants to send her to live with her aunt in Boston now that she's educated because he feels inadequate. Carla doesn't want to go, so Danny says he'll give Jimmy a crash course in art, literature, and haberdashery so he'll fit in with Carla's college friends. SONGS: Return to Sorrento (in Italian), Inka Dinka-Dink

When Kathy sprains her ankle Danny and Charlie are volunteered to serve as leaders for Linda's brownie troop. At the troop's picnic, a bratty little girl's shenanigans lands Danny in court.

Uncle Tonoose arrives just as Danny and Kathy are leaving for dinner and the theater. All the family members in Toledo have collectively purchased a piece of land for a family cemetery. Uncle Tonoose doesn't like the location of his plot, so he's left Toledo for good. He's going to live with the only family members that respect him - Danny's family. Not to worry though, he's not staying for good, just a few years.

Charley buys Bunny a pair of earrings for no reason. Kathy is envious which sets off a buying war between Danny and Charley.

Rusty's teacher "Mrs. Picklepuss" has given the whole class detention the next day. That's when he and Danny were supposed to attend a sportswriters luncheon and meet Johnny Unitas. Danny goes to see her, but she is immovable. When she tells Danny how difficult it is to teach a class, he says "how difficult can it be?" She says he sounds like a perfect candidate for the PTA experiment to show parents the problems they face in the classroom by having the parents teach for a day.

Charley is full of suggestions for when the baby comes and Bunny isn't interested in any of them. When Charley destroys Rusty's project by "helping", he's convinced he won't be a good father. Danny tells Charley he can teach him everything he needs to know in three minutes.

Danny and Charley have plans to go to Acapulco with the wives; but Louise is on vacation so they have to cancel because of the kids. Charley goes on a rant about kids and Bunny gets upset. She just learned she's going to have a baby, and now that Bunny's convinced Charley hates kids she doesn't know how to tell him. SONG: Brahm's Lullaby

Charley has decided he really wants the baby to be a boy. Danny is telling Charley how nice it is to have a sweet little girl when Linda storms in with a black eye. Linda has been playing football with Scotty hoping he'll ask her to the party that Saturday, but 9-year-old Eloise arrives looking for "big, strong Scotty". Danny decides to teach Linda to out-girl Eloise so she won't lose Scotty.

After Danny and Charley sign their new contract, Kathy and Bunny argue over whose husband works hardest. Danny and Charley stop the fight and then get into the same argument. When Phil returns to say the contract needs initials, they tear it up. Charley hires a new comic due to open at the Ace of Clubs (a dive), and Danny goes to the Ace of Clubs to prove he can make it a success.

Uncle Tonoose arrives in New York to announce he is getting married in April. When Danny asks who the bride is, Uncle Tonoose says "I dunno". It's an old Lebanese custom that the groom does not approach the bride, his best friend introduces them... and Uncle Tonoose has chosen Danny to do the honors.

Charley and Bunny enter fighting. Bunny's brother has offered to decorate the nursery for them so it will be ready for when the baby arrives, but Charley wants to do it himself. Bunny wants her brother to decorate because Charley knows nothing about home improvements. Danny settles the fight by proposing Charley do the work, but that he do it with expert supervision - him.

The entertainment for the P.T.A. meeting falls through at the last minute. Kathy tells the committee that Danny is working night and day rehearsing for the Ed Sullivan Show and there is no way she can ask him to entertain for the P.T.A. meeting. After some arm-twisting, Kathy agrees to have Danny perform. Now Kathy just needs to figure out how to get him to perform that night without asking him.

Danny is convinced his family is embarrassed by his nose, so he goes to a plastic surgeon to change it.

Rusty hasn't asked a girl to the school dance because he has no confidence. Danny gives him some pointers and now the girls are falling all over themselves to go out with Rusty. The only problem is Rusty, he's gone from no confidence to treating the girls badly and Danny is not happy about it.

Danny is guilt-ridden after hollering at Kathy. Charley says he always buys Bunny an expensive gift when he makes her cry. Danny says he didn't make Kathy cry, and resolves not to by keeping his temper from now on. Meanwhile Bunny is showing Kathy the expensive gift she got from Charley when he lost his temper, and wasn't there a hat Kathy had her eye on? Bunny convinces Kathy to make Danny yell at her.

Rusty wants to go on a weekend saddle trip with his friends. Instead of asking Danny right out, he tries to con him into getting permission. Danny isn't fooled and says no, so Rusty goes on a hunger strike.

Charley's cousin Herman is in town and wants to come for dinner. Herman is a famous chef and tried to stop Charley's wedding years ago when he found out Bunny couldn't cook. Since then Charley has been writing letters about the wonderful cook Bunny has become. Too bad none of it is true. Kathy only has the weekend to give Bunny a crash course in cooking. SONG: Ain't We Got Fun.

Danny's looking for a couple children to use in his act. When he sees it mentioned in the newspaper he's sure every stage mother in New York will be at his door. Jose is doing a good job keeping them away . . . except he has a nephew who would be just perfect.

Autograph hunters have followed Danny and Bob Hope up to Danny's apartment, the kids want to charge their friends to come up and see them, and Kathy wants them to perform at the Hospital benefit. Danny and Bob decide now is a good time for a vacation, but where can they go where they won't be recognized? SONGS: Thanks for the Memories, From This Moment On.

Charley pulls a prank on Bunny while they're playing charades with Danny and Kathy. Bunny gets even by enlisting the Williams's help to convince Charley he has ESP.

Kathy is feeling useless: Rusty doesn't want her help with his homework, Linda doesn't want her help sewing, and even Bunny is off to help Charley with the bookkeeping. When Danny brings her up on stage to dance, she decides to join the act - for good. SONGS: That Face, Pretty Baby

Linda promised she wouldn't touch Danny's tape recorder. Danny promised Linda could go on Art Linkletter's show Kids Say the Darndest Things. When Danny discovers Linda has recorded over all the material for his new act, she gets a spanking and grounded for the weekend: a promise is a promise. Linda tells Danny she can't stay in her room the ENTIRE weekend, she's supposed to be on the show Saturday. Linda is mad and repeats back to him: a promise is a promise. Now Danny's worried what she might say.

Danny receives a letter from Uncle Tonoose that he's sending Danny's cousin for help getting into show business. Danny's expecting a shy young man. What he gets is an overconfident, arrogant, smart-aleck. Danny decides to give him a large dose of humility.

The baby is due in a few days and Charley is jumping every time the phone rings. He wants to know where Bunny is every second and he can't sleep. Danny gives Charley a tranquilizer to calm him down so he can get some sleep - better take two. Kathy finds the bottle laying out and gives Bunny a few so she can put one in Charley's milk each night until the baby comes, but Bunny slips him two.