Road Hockey Rumble

- Season 2

(2008)

Stranded in Newfoundland since season one, Mark and Calum hit the road to trek west after accepting a network bribe - long story. Their first stop is Corner Brook, NFLD. Mark and the best players of the Corner Brook fire department face-off against Calum and the toughest Royal Newfoundland Constabulary cops. The match loser - either Mark or Calum - is subject to 'A Newfie Scrub Down!' as punishment. Hockey pro and Corner Brook native, Jason King makes a guest appearance.

With sticks in hand, the boys head to Tatamagouche, Nova Scotia. Famed as the birthplace of the late Anna Swan, the Giantess of the Maritimes, Tatamagouche is a seemingly docile hamlet - oddly shrouded in a veil of height discrimination! The road hockey rivalry: Calum and his team of short people (5'7'' and under) versus Mark and his team of tall people (6'1'' and over). In pivotal Game Two, Mark and Calum battle tooth and nail not to be subject to this week's punishment, 'The Tatamagouche Foooore!'.

Making their way through the Maritimes, the boys motor to Prince Edward Island - the land of the last living pterodactyl! In the capital city of Charlottetown, Mark and Calum venture on an ice-cream factory tour and come up with a new Earth shaking road hockey rivalry ... dairy lovers versus lactose-intolerants. Yes, it's Calum and the milk drinkers facing-off against Mark and the intolerable Intolerants. And the punishment for losing...'The Charlottetown Sh#t Crow!'

Situated smack dab on the Canada/U.S. border - St. Stephen, New Brunswick is all smiles when it comes to its Yankee neighbours across the river in Calais, Maine. But after Calum and Mark roll into town in the name of road hockey prowess, all pleasantries quickly turn into flag waving and cheap shots! Mark's got the Canadians and Calum's got the Americans and neither of them wants to be subject to this border city punishment - 'The 1812 Barrage!'

The RHR motorhome heads to Quebec City - one of the most contentious hot spots in Canadian history. It was the English triumph over the French in the 1759 Battle of the Plains of Abraham that lead to the British rule of New France. After 248 years of animosity - and since the English beat the French in season one - it is time for a RHR rematch: Calum's Francophones vs. Mark's Anglophones. For the loser it is 'The RHR Casualty of War!'.

Calum and Mark head to the heart of Canada's wine country - Niagara-on-the-Lake, ON. From wineries to comprehensive grape research, everyone in town is ripe with the love of vino - everyone but the handful of brewmasters that work in the town's only brewery. Yes, beer is a second rate beverage here - and d'ems fightin' words! Calum and the beer makers face off against Mark and his squadron of wine aficionados in a match where the loser gets the most putrid punishment ever, 'The RHR Blaahnh!'.

The prairie-bound boys head to Calum's favorite city in the whole world - and Mark's least favorite - Winnipeg, Manitoba - home of the Blue Bombers! It is here where we hold our first inter-university road hockey blood bath. Mark and the Bisons of The University of Manitoba compete against their cross town rivals, the Wesmen of The University of Winnipeg, captained by Calum. This sweltering, co-ed rumble - featuring a guest appearance by NHLer Tyler Arnason - will see the losing host receive the infamous 'RHR Suicide Pass!'.

When the motorhome breaks down in Winnipeg, NHLer guest star Jordan Tootoo entices Mark and Calum to face-off in his home town of Rankin Inlet, Nunavut. In their first trek to the territories, the boys feast on the most ferocious rivalry this side of the rocky tundra: Mark and Team Cooked Food versus Calum, Jordan Tootoo, and Team Raw Food! As for the icing on the cake, the loser will do a lot more than wince in discomfort as they try to withstand this week's punishment, 'The Rankin Inlet High Kick!'.

Back on the prairies, the motorhome is up and running. The boys hop on the #1 highway for Moose Jaw, SK. Famous for its underground tunnels, utilized by Al Capone in the days of U.S. prohibition, Moose Jaw has grown into a town with a penchant for a new kind of bootlegging - media pirating. Game 9 sees Calum's Team Ethical face-off against Mark's Bootleggers - a team of music, movie, and software pirates. Regardless of copyright infringements, the losing host gets 'A Taste of His Own Medicine!'.

In Alberta, there are only two types of hockey buffs - Edmonton Oilers supporters or Calgary Flames fans. In fact, the contingents have despised each other for twenty-seven years. In no other Albertan city is this dichotomy more evident than in Red Deer, situated equidistant from Edmonton and Calgary. In the most heated rivalry to date, Mark and the Red Deer Oiler fans face-off against Calum and his clan of loyal Flames fanatics. The punishment for the loser? None other than 'The Greasy Hooter!'.

Through the Northwest Territories, Calum and Mark hustle to reach the capital, Yellowknife. The diamond capital of North America and bearer of 11 official languages, Yellowknife is wealthy both economically and culturally. At the forefront of Yellowknife's prosperity are the students of the only two high schools in the whole region: Sir John Franklin High and St. Pat's High - bitter rivals from day one. Calum's Irish of St. Pat's battle Mark's Falcons of Sir John. The losing host suffers being 'A Man-Fish!'.

Eleven towns down, two more to go. Mark and Calum trek up to the famed gold prospecting destination - Dawson City, Yukon. A thriving summer tourist attraction, 60,000 visitors flock to Dawson City each year. Those who leave before winter are labeled 'Cheechakos.' Those who stay to brave the sub-zero elements are known as 'Sourdoughs.' This week it's all respect when Calum and his hardened team of Sourdoughs face off against Mark and his pack of seasonal Cheechakos on Dawson City's only tennis court! And the punishment for losing - 'The Dawson City White-Out!'.

To cap off another season, the boys head to Mark's home town of Maple Ridge, BC for their grandiose finale. Sandwiched between the sparkling Fraser River and the majestic Golden Ears Mountains, Maple Ridge is a cozy town that harbours two types of people - Mark Lovers and Mark Haters! In a battle for the ages, it's Calum and the Haters mucking it up with Mark and the Lovers. And whoever comes out on top will be fortunate enough not to live through the onslaught of the 'The UNSPEAKABLE PUNISHMENT!'.