On the Buses

- Season 3

(1970)

When Blakey slips up on a chip on Stan's bus the company decrees that all staff should go on a First Aid course which they are obliged to pass. Stan has only twenty-four hours to swot up if he hopes to pass. Fortunately he has Arthur and Olive to help him out.

The toilet in the Butler household is exceedingly old, having been put in by Stan's grandfather and now it keeps making funny noises. Stan's efforts to mend it come to grief and, after having to use Jack's toilet, Stan decides to buy a new one. Unfortunately Blakey is less than pleased when he he sees it being carried home on the bus.

A new batch of young girls training to be conductresses arrives,out of which Sally is the girl who turns all the men's heads. Jack and Stan seriously compete with each other for her attentions. Unfortunately, as Stan will soon find out she has an all too familiar uncle - Blakey.

Stan samples the home-brewed beer which he has just made. It is very, very strong indeed, so much so that when he goes to work he is already tipsy and Blakey breathalyses him. Thanks to Jack's little ploy the result is negative and Blakey assumes Stan is ill, sending him home. Here he finds that the family have well and truly been partaking of the home-brew and Arthur and Olive are getting very amorous with each other.

Olive wants to re-decorate her and Arthur's bedroom, so, to do it on the cheap, Stan gets two tins of paint from the depot. They are the bus colours - red and yellow, which Arthur mixes to make green. Unfortunately he omits to add hardeners so that the paint is very, very, very, very, very slow-drying and Olive gets hand prints everywhere.

Jack goes out on a date with Fatima, an exotic dancer who uses a snake in her act but he does not want the snake to go with them so he puts it in Stan's bag. Back at the Butler house the bag appears to move of its own accord before the snakes jumps out,causing general confusion. Jack and Fatima eventually turn up to take the snake away.

At the social club Stan's Mum meets a man called Wilfred and her behaviour changes drastically. She stays out late with him and buys clothes more suited to a younger woman in addition to a wig. She neglects her household chores, meaning that Stan, Olive - a terrible cook as ever - and Arthur have to do them all. Fortunately for them,however, they discover that Wilfred is already married.

At Blakey's behest a two-way radio system is installed in the drivers' cabs,meaning that the depot can hear what is going on in the cabs at all times - not a very popular idea with Jack and Stan. However,when they pull two conductresses,one of whom leans against the radio switch,turning it on, Blakey hears the sweet nothings Stan is telling her and assumes that they are meant for him.

On an exceptionally foggy night Stan refuses to carry on with the journey unless someone walks in front of the bus with a torch. Blakey refuses,as does Olive,travelling with Mum and Arthur on their way back from seeing Aunt Maud. Olive gets caught short and attracts a cow onto the bus whilst Blakey gets ditch-water in his boots before the fog clears.

Brand new stream-lined uniforms are being issued to the crews and Jack and Stan are the first to wear them. The uniforms are so attractive that two Swedish girls that the two men meet in the pub mistake them for airline pilots and are keen for a date. Unfortunately the new uniforms are recalled and the two Swedes are less than impressed to see Stan and Jack in their usual,old uniforms.

Stan is going steady with Sally, Blakey's niece and her uncle is far from happy with the arrangement. An old-fashioned family tea is arranged, laid on by the Butlers for Sally and Blakey. However,as the tea progresses it becomes evident that Sally and Stan have little in common. She is very critical of some of the things he says,which leads to a falling-out between the two families and the eventual calling-off of the engagement.

The Butler family are feeling the financial squeeze and even have to hide from the milkman,as they cannot afford to pay him. Stan reckons Arthur should sell his sidecar combination but Arthur is not keen so Stan advertises it behind his back, attracting an unexpected buyer - Blakey. However the test run does not exactly go as planned.

Conductress Edna gets evicted and Stan feels responsible as he was late taking her home so he persuades Mum to take her as a lodger,along with her very big dog,Coco. Stan's plans to get into her room are thwarted so he barks like a dog to bring Edna downstairs. However she assumes Coco is pining for her and takes him into her room. Ultimately Stan ends up dog-sitting whilst Edna goes out with Jack.