It's All Relative

- Season 1

(2003)

Bobby and Liz break the news of their secret engagement to their families and each gets a less than warm response. In fact, Bobby's conversation with his folks ends with him moving into Liz's parents' guest house. Naturally, this doesn't thrill Philip and Simon, but at the risk of losing Liz completely, they agree to the situation temporarily until Bobby can work things out with his parents.

Bobby O'Neil's stunning ability to advise mates how to dump girls, although rather wasted on simpleton Eddie (who needlessly mixes up three methods), has a terrible effect on his jealous Harvard fiancée Liz Stoddard-Banks. She actually makes him do what he only suggested in jest: confess to all the ex'es he cunningly got rid off. The poor pup is systematically abused all day: scolded, soiled in drinks, pinched. Only Sheri, according to pa Mace a perfect match, takes it suspiciously well; then she turns up at his home, telling Liz she's going to steal the ...

Bobby now lives with Liz in her two gay dads' luxury apartment, but gets such insufficient instructions how to work the state-of-the-art kitchen equipment that his innocent attempt to make a cup of coffee breaks the espresso machine, his clumsy rescue springs an in-built water-pipe as well. Desperate to repair his honest mistake Bobby calls home, and cleverly tricks dad Mace into coming over to do the repairs for free. However, ma joins him and more well-meant O'Neil clumsiness seems to do ever more damage. This gives Simon Banks a reason to panic and call a therapist...

When Philip sadly tells Simon they are forced to accept, and use, four VIP lodge tickets from his gallery client Preston Mann, Bobby can't believe they aren't eager to attend a Red Sox - Yankees match. When Liz arranges for him to get the two spare tickets, Bobby gets hugged -a first in years- by Mace for the golden opportunity. However, Mace remains grumpy and unappreciative, complaining the 'queers' ruin the sport by enjoying the lodge luxury such as big screen TV, rich spread and bar with waitress. Bobby finds the middle road but gets desperate to see if anything ...

Bobby is amazed Liz's dad actually hires a party organizer, Joffrey, for Halloween - the theme being 'favorite Cole Porter song characters'. He sweetly volunteers to be a free barman, and to his helpless horror finds it is a job requiring an 'authentic' harlequin costume. Simon refuses to wear matched costumes Gershwin but regrets changing his mind further. Mace won't go to their doctor to heal his ulcer, so they hide Dr. Moretti's preference but they meet the doctor as cross-dressed party guest. Joffrey's own secret comes out.

When the coffee maker breaks and bursts a pipe while Bobby is using it, the O'Neills, Simon, and Liz get roped in to help him hide the disaster from Philip. Meanwhile, Maddy falls for Liz's Indian classmate.

Philip and Simon initially oppose State Senatorial candidate Charlie Carson's plans to tear down an historical theater, while Mace supports the politician's plan to build a hotel in its place. But Mace questions his support when he learns that Carson supports gay marriage, which causes Philip and Simon to change their minds and support him. When a dead swan threatens to land the candidate in hot water, Philip and Mace try to help him resolve the messy situation, but soon regret their decision when an attractive, young intern pays the candidate a visit.

In an effort to get their families to join in the celebration of their upcoming wedding, Bobby and Liz convince their folks that the other's family is throwing an engagement party. Instead of working together, the families get competitive and try to outdo each other - which causes Liz and Bobby to flee to Vermont in frustration. Afraid that the young couple has eloped, the parents embark on a road trip to stop them - but a road trip with Mace and Philip is anything but a smooth ride.

Thanksgiving turns into a fiasco when Liz invites Mace's overbearing mother, Colleen, to the dinner. A web of deception begins when Mace tells the very conservative Colleen that Philip and Simon are Liz's uncles - instead of her dads. As luck would have it, Colleen is so charmed by Philip and Simon that she wants to introduce them up to her unmarried daughter. Meanwhile Philip spins a tale of his own when he tells his stuffy decorator that Liz's future in-laws are wealthy. But it all goes awry when the designer pays a surprise visit during dinner to meet Liz's future ...

When Audrey shows up with an unusual abstract painting that everyone agrees is awful, Mace sells the painting to Philip while she's away. Philip has good luck in selling the painting at his gallery, but when Audrey learns of the transaction, she's furious and demands that Mace and Philip get her painting back. What they have to do to get it back from the blind man who purchased it is anything but pretty.

Bobby and Liz's families are trying their best to blend their very different styles of celebrating Christmas when a Christmas Eve delivery to Philip and Simon's house injures "Santa" Mace. And Bobby feels pressure to compete with the lavish Christmas gifts that Philip and Simon have planned for Liz.

Bobby is furious to learn that Liz has discussed their sex life with her dads. While Mace and Philip are pleased that the relationship could be in trouble, Simon and Audrey conspire to keep the couple together.

Philip hires Mace to pose as a typical American couch potato at an art exhibit. But when he grows tired of eating chips and watching sitcoms while on display, it's left to a famous television personality to take his place. Meanwhile, Audrey and Simon become best buddies while working together to create a recipe for the perfect sauce.

When Simon asks Audrey to make costumes for a small musical theater production benefiting gun control, Mace is furious to find out that she is involved with the show at all. But when both of the leads have to be replaced at the last minute, Audrey and Philip can only hope for the support of their own leading men.

When Simon brings his teaching assistant, Lance, to the bar, he decides to encourage Maddy and Lance's obvious spontaneous attraction. The O'Neills feel that an academic is out of her league -Bobby recognizes the 'look'. Philip remembers Simon's matchmaking invariably ends in disaster. Philip turns up in class where Simon asked the pair to help his kids with their artistic expression, while his perfectionism antagonizes all except Nathan. Meanwhile in the pub Mace's rivalry with Dan escalates and they get to the punching root of the problem.

Simon makes sure 'by the way' everybody knows about a TV special 'Where are they Now' about teen boy band 'Cross My Heart' (he was 'Simon Sez'). After airhead sister Maddy, who dumps Lance so she can study, gives his romantic Valentine's day routine away to Liz at the last moment, Bobby must top that immediately. However he can only book a paint-gun session. Mace makes a third run against Frankie Sacco to be elected president of the merchant association. When their children benefit winter carnival's musical act cancels, Mace offers Cross My Heart, although he ...

After Maddy blabbed to the parish priest about their intimacy, the O'Neil parents urge Bobby and Liz to get married for the family honor. Only Greek wedding planner Leonard Thermopolis's tacky business is still free at such short call, but Philip's snobbish objections give way when Mace promises to take him along to the exclusive Boston O'Neil club. Besides Mace's shameless lies Philip's nerves about possible admission make him dangerously clumsy too. Bobby bravely tells Liz to make all the choices, but the talk about 'forever' makes the poor groom break out in rivers...

Philip's plans to view the Oscars are spoiled when Mace accidentally breaks the remote control. Their desperate attempt to get the remote fixed lands them in the emergency room with a nurse who certainly wouldn't win any awards for her bedside manner. Meanwhile Simon teaches Audrey the fine art of "dissing celebrities" on the red carpet and, to her own amazement, she unleashes a hidden talent.

It's time for the happy couple's bachelor parties, but the O'Neils have rather unattractive traditions. Liz accepts an invitation to join a hen night where Maddy gets a female stripper to teach everybody to do it themselves, the major talent is none other then Audrey. The stag night is traditionally camping in the woods, but to Bobby's delight Mace treats his family to a comfortable log cabin. They fail to tell Simon and Philip, who accepted their novel challenge to put up their own tent. As the stripper dressed as park ranger wasn't informed, she arrives with them. ...

The happy couple goes to register for wedding presents; to Bobby's disappointment nothing he'll ever appreciate and barely use. The groom gets dumped with other husbands, but plans a common rebellion. HE soon gets distracted with 'Bay watch' on the big screen TV. Simon couldn't come because someone had to assemble a baby crib for the lesbian friends' shower. Mace helps him just to escape the household store. Philip goes and bonds with salesman Lewis, but goes to excessive lengths (actually heights), to get from the display the 'no longer sold' gravy bowl to complete ...

When the O'Neils' guard dog lands with the gay couple, Simon finds the beast just doesn't respond to his friendly efforts. The dog just barks meanly at him, while Philip, who even faked an allergy to avoid getting pet hairs all over his precious design-home, is mysteriously showered with its undesired affection. When Bobby agrees with Mace that dogs need discipline and boundaries, like kids, Liz and her dads disagree. This starts a discussion on educational doctrine. The O'Neil men favor an old-fashioned firm hand, which brave boy Bobby 'took like a man' including ...

Both parental couples are in hostile mood because the wedding is to be co-celebrated by the O'Neills' Catholic parish's priest Joseph and the gay WASPs' reverend Judy. When Mace meanly objects to any visible gayness and sarcastically suggests 'Simon and Philip' be changed to 'Simone', Maddy finds enough bad blood set between the offended gentlemen viz. her parents to actively stir an escalation of mutually offensive -such as 'upgayed'- text proposals. Meanwhile Liz has been multi-tasking beyond her abilities. She squeezes in the Wednesday appointment with father ...