As If

- Season 4

(2004)

Jamie has been lying to most mates to have passed his exams, but in fact flunked gloriously, so all summer they believed he has transferred to his natal Scotland, at Inverness University, while his parents think he continues his studies in London. Now as only Rob knows yet and actually lives alone, Jamie asks him for a place to stay, but Rob got his own eviction notice. The girls find all the good flats are taken before they can even turn up, but Nicky manages to charm up to an attractive adult estate agent, Christian. Alex is furious to learn the truth, especially as...

Nicki decides the way to get a luxury flat from agent Christian is to throw a grown-up party for him and his friends at her absent parents's grand home. Ironically Christian wants to use it shortly to string on paying clients, she is promised first flat pick. Meanwhile Alex complains about uninvited Jamie becoming his de facto third flatmate now Sooz has taken pity on the piggish lout; he finally resorts to calling the landlord, who by contract allows only three residents. The other friends consider pairing up as house-mates, Nicki chooses Sasha who also gets a new ...

Sasha promises herself to cling to her crappy job 'in the fashion industry'- really just in window dressing, mainly running, and she lied about knowing how to drive, although she has a license; her ex Rob isn't dumb enough to try teaching her in a hurry and Jamie approaches driving as a video - or remote control toy game but convinces Sooze, who considers her a road accident waiting to happen, to teach her in exchange for him repeating his psychology exam. Nickie has an ugly line-up of potential travel companions, then decides on Russia with the only compatible one, ...

Nicki is running around frantically, even breaks the heel of an expensive pair of designer boots, because she has been dumb enough to have unprotected sex and waited till dangerously close to the end of the efficiency window for the morning after pill. Just a distressed call gets gay perfect gentleman Alex running to her, who fears a moment he may be the unsafe partner but just had passed out at a party. The heel story works to get Sasha running, who proves useless joining Nicki's quest for a pharmacist. Babbler Nicki still fails to mention the potential father, so Al...

While his mates are looking for sex, Rob and Nicki together but hiding in their underwear not to be found by Sasha in her bed, Alex is nervous about his first teaching assignment, a single computer science class in his old school. One cheeky boy instantly fancies the nearly as young 'Sir', even gives him an apple, and almost a heart-attack turning up in the mates' pub, repeatedly. His name is also Al, although short for Allen, and he suggests to be called little Al. When cheeky Al tells Alex to kiss him or risk charges of sexual abuse, Alex obliges, and fears this ...

Ever-gloomy Sooz hits rock-bottom another way: she has lost her only talent, inspiration for paintings, and believes the problem is she's no longer 'unhappy enough' instead of happy to be miserable, and hopes to get trough in time for the big exhibition at art school by finding another angle. The graphically not-gifted gang, now extended with 'little Al', couldn't barely be bothered, only Jamie really tries, in vain, to help her, and the same goes for Sasha, who finally gets a break at work with a 'fashion' task but is soon utterly desperate as it really means ...

A chapter from the crazy book of Sasha, who gets duped at her job but really cares for a single hot night her 'best friends' Rob and Nicki had behind her back, yet she and psycho Sooz actually blame Alex for not betraying his friends. Rob overhears Sasha and Nicki claiming he means nothing to either outside the kitchen, and is thus made susceptible to pub customer Amber's female charms. Meanwhile Jamie gets ever deeper entangled in his lies to the Scottish home-front.

Jamie is deep in shit, from any point of view, and although his POV is that's not entirely his fault, it clearly is: first he failed his exams but never told his parents in Inverness (Scotland), who threw him out of their home, then accidentally was granted a study loan although nowhere enrolled, and even managed to spend all the money on toys, gifts, cloths etcetera. When Jamie's daft roommate Sooz finds out, she throws him out too, so he ends up homeless although that was not the idea, and thus gets robbed of the winning horse races bet ticket he placed with the ...

Sooz is miserably jealous now her faithful adorer Jamie has met and seems to be falling for his study mate Katie, so she rages against all beautiful people and can no longer stand everyone always expects her to be with Jamie or tell where he is. A childish paint throwing-duel in art class makes that anger turn into lust with new fellow student Tyler, her accidentally hit teacher Jerry throws in a suspension. Only Little Al is rather amused. When Jamie insists to bring Sooz together with Katie, she brings 'special' Tyler too....

Reliable hard-working Rob has met and instantly fallen for dancer Amber, who is promptly disliked as a disturbance by the gang who never met her, except Jamie who did. Nicki is absolutely furious Rob stood her up being supposed -not properly told- he should cook her birthday dinner; an effigy cake wins him admission to the restaurant emergency version, but he brings Amber too...

Now Rob has decided -for Amber- to split as her roommate with one month notice, Nicki takes on a second job besides the bookshop, serving at a bar, clumsily to the mates' amusement, suddenly meets a surprising luxury problem: both strong, impulsive Max and sweeter Toby, a pair of extremely slick operators who often stage scenes together, seem to find her irresistible and heap attentions on the immature bird, but what is real or make-believe and which one does she prefer? Two-timing them herself proves hard, even with the startled gang's help, so back to choosing, only...

Sooz is completely into Tyler, who tells her no to worry about money; she gets it utterly wrong and not only fails to chip in the rent when Alex warns it's the last day, so she must face the landlord, she even manages to waste his and Jamie's contributions by insisting to pay for a restaurant dinner beyond her means. Alex teaches her a good lesson, making her shout everyone dinner and pay for it the old-fashioned way, washing dishes. Then she learns Tyler's true situation...

Jamie isn't at all prepared for his exams, in three weeks, and now wastes he little time he has left on looking for a study partner- all the mates have other priorities or let the dice decide, like Al (who ends up passed out on Nelson's Trafalgar Square statue) and his boyfriend Allen, so it's classmate Katie, but a quiet place is as hard to find, especially now Sasha has quit her delivery job in anger and declared an endless party night. Jamie's escapist consumption escalates from coffee and energy drinks to the cocaine he accidentally found in Sasha's room...

After Sooz sneers Alex has only one gay friend, and Allen encourages his 'gay guru' to try the Gay Dining Club after drooling at their Internet looks, he goes to the opera with older Richard, who seems interested and tells his eighth mates Alex is giving his test dinner tomorrow, before they vote on his admission. Alex lures Nicki and Sasha away with opera tickets -they get thrown out- to have Nicki's house, and Rob even 'forgets' Amber was cooking for him to be the chef which suave but sweating host Alex needs, and serves with Allen. Alas Richard is instantly smitten...

Rob's counselor spends his therapy session dragging out of him why he panicked because his lover Amber suddenly announced she was going to present him to her parents. After a frantic episode looking for presentable cloths, Alex managed to make Rob miss his car by a confession he wants Rob to stay as he is, a great friend, even if not a potential gay lover, and fears Amber just isn't right for him. Rob ends up in bed with Nicki, supposedly innocently. Only Allan and Katie quietly enjoy sharing a bed just for sleep and discussing how hectic the individually lovely six ...

Sooz slowly works her nagging way up to telling Rob, who has finally decided to marry Aber, quick and fast, 'eloping' to Gretna Green after a costumed stag party (Wild West theme) only Alex can get organized for that same night, she feels so guilty for betraying her naive lover-roommate Jamie by sleeping with Tyler that she has -again!- slit her wrists. The Rob confesses talking to Nicki all night felt better then sex. Both decide to come clean before the wedding but neither's heart is in it...

Selfish Sasha scorns love, lies and complications: simply a one-night stand with a businessman she picks up at a bar. Choosing anonymity allows her to continue the pretense to be her boss Darna who she impersonated to get a big window-dressing job in Jonathan Dale's shop when he turns out to be her lover. The girls and Jamie are enlisted to help her do the window-display, ironically for a perfume called Semplicita. Of course Jonathan learns the truth ... Meanwhile Rob has moved back in with Nicky, according to Sasha a self-deluding lost cause...

Admiring junior Allen Rissbrook sweetly begs his 'gay guru' Alex for wise advice on how to get a guy, notably studly Henry they saw in a bar, but loses his nerve every time, never getting beyond 'Sorry, I have to pee'. Alex lets him test his kissing skills on the master's mouth, encourages him, then realizes Jamie is right: the virgin boy really wants idol Alex himself as his first-ever, and decides that is better for both of them, yet also feels somehow guilty; after a wonderful 'lesson' in bed, Allen thanks Alex for the one-night next step, preparing him for ...

Jamie worries all night, about his exam results -he is accepted for psychology at Inverness- and about Tyler taking his romantic place with Sooz. Jamie rents a camper to take her away alone in nature for the weekend, hoping Sooz will come clean about her affair, while she thinks he's going to propose to her. Alex tells Sasha to confess to Rob she lied that Nicky wouldn't be seriously interested in him before he figures it out and convinces the other mates to come look for the couple's camper at night, but they have already split in anger and got lost in the dark woods...

Nicki's rich mother's birthday present is a trip around the world, solo. She thinks her only problem is an outdated photo on her passport, but Alex notices it's actually long expired after she set her departure date and throws her birthday - and goodbye-party, which is painfully soon left by the mates. While she rushes to make her first flight, Rob doesn't realize she really hopes he will stop her and go steady, she left no itinerary... Meanwhile Sooz gives Jamie a ring as make-up present, but he gets stuck trying to get it out of the drain because it fell off, too ...